If you could travel back in time, what advice would you give your younger self? I would tell myself, “Stay out of the sun, travel when you’re young, and stay in touch with old friends as you get older.” But I would also try to save myself a lot of worry and grief by explaining there are 5 choices when considering a problem:
1. Be a victim.
2. Avoid the situation.
3. Change it.
4. Alter your perspective.
5. Accept it.
1. Remain a victim to the problem.
For some people, remaining a victim is the only method they know for dealing with problems. No one has ever taught them any other way. They may be consumed by feelings of powerlessness, anger, grief, and possibly depression. In many cases, they may feel emotionally paralyzed and unable to act because they feel at the mercy of life.
Many people will remain a victim until the status quo becomes more painful than change.
2. Avoid the problem.
Consistently avoiding problems isn’t a great leadership style. However, sometimes, the best approach to a problem is to avoid it, to just walk away.
Great leaders like to solve problems, but not every problem is yours to solve. You can consciously choose not to get involved in a situation and that can feel empowering. As someone once said, “I don’t have to attend every argument I’m invited to.”
3. Change your perspective of the problem.
If you can’t avoid or change the situation, sometimes changing your perspective can help. Look at the experience differently and it changes.
A good way to change your perspective is to ask yourself, “What am I meant to learn from this situation?” Or consider what Superman or Superwoman would do, or visualize yourself dealing with the same struggle in a different location. What would you say to a friend struggling with the same problem?
You can also use the problem or conflict as a reminder to connect with what you value most in life.
4. Change the situation.
You can’t always change a situation, but there might be things you can change that will move you closer to a resolution.
This option requires an understanding and awareness of what you can and can’t change. We all know that you can’t change another person.
As noted above, many people reach this stage when the pain of the status quo becomes greater than their discomfort with change.
5. Accept the situation.
Just accepting the situation might seem like defeat, but it depends on your perspective. Ask yourself, “In the great scheme of the universe, how important is this?” A good way to work toward acceptance is to confirm you have done everything in your power to resolve the problem.
I love the Optimist Creed: “Acceptance is the answer to all my problems today. When I am disturbed, it is because I find some person, place, thing, or situation – some fact of my life – unacceptable to me and I can find no serenity until I accept that person, place, thing, or situation as being exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment.“
Food for thought:
In the wisdom of my old age, whenever I’m struggling with a problem, I remember to ask myself these 5 questions:
- Do I have a victim mentality, and if so, why?
- Can I initiate any change which would help resolve the problem?
- Can I walk away?
- Can I change my perspective to better deal with the situation?
- Can I move toward acceptance?
Try it:
List some things you are struggling with, at work or at home.
- Identify any problem to which you remain a victim in your life and ask yourself why you are still a victim.
- When would changing a situation create better energy for you?
- When would avoiding a situation create more positive energy?
- Describe how you might alter your perspective of a problem or challenge facing you today.
- Are you worrying and stressing when it would serve you better to just accept the situation and move forward?
Summary: Learning to ask yourself 5 questions when you have a problem can help reduce stress and increase productivity, both personally and professionally.
And Remember…You’re not alone. You can do this!
Source: Bruce Schneider at the Institute of Professional Excellence in Coaching https://www.ipeccoaching.com/
